Surviving a Break-up

There is nothing worse than going through a break-up alone.

A relationship break-up or divorce can be completely devastating. The feeling of loss, rejection, and loneliness can be so overwhelming that most people fear they will never love or be loved again. You might feel that you might never be able to trust again, or feel that same spark.

The emotional pain of a break-up or divorce is similar to what we experience with the death of a loved one.

The difference is that physically everyone is ok, but both partners, particularly the one that is rejected, go through tremendous mixed emotions that range from wanting to reconcile and moving on.

The stages of a break-up or divorce might include:

• Shock/Denial

• Anger

• Bargaining

• Depression

• Acceptance

Shock/Denial:

This is a stage where you are still in desbelief. It almost seems like you are waiting to wake up from a nightmare. If your partner left you, you are still hoping that he might change his mind. You might even expect him to walk through the door and say, "It was just a dream."

Anger:

Reality is starting to set in, and the feelings of shock/denial start to turn into anger. You might feel anger towards the other person for leaving you and for causing you emotional pain.

Bargaining:

This is the stage of a break-up where you will plead to reverse the situation. If you've lost a family member, you might ask God to bring him back in exchange for an offer in return. If your partner wants to end the relationship, you might try to bargain with him, "If you stay, It will be better. I promise."

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Depression:

Finally you realize that it is really over. She is not coming back. The anxiety is now gone. Enter depression. You feel alone, down and withdrawn. It feels like there is no end in sight. This stage, like the ones before it, is also temporary but it can last up to 6 months or more, depending on how serious the relationship was.

Acceptance:

This is the final stage, and the best one for obvious reasons. You haven't forgotten what happened, but you are able to look at it with a fresh new perspective. The memories of the relationship might come back every now and then, but rarely last.

Ever heard of the 'Broken Heart Syndrome'?

• A 'broken heart' can be more than an emotional period. In some cases it can be a real traumatic physical event.
• Takotsubo cardiomyopathy is informally known as 'broken heart syndrome' because it occurs after a severe emotional shock. Studies have shown that women are the most affected and patients are usually in a critical state during the first 48 hours.

Source: New England Journal of Medicine, 2005

ADVICE: Healing a Broken Heart

Allow time for grieving and recovery.



Quite often, many people make the mistake of finding someone else too quickly to fill that "hole". While it may bring some comfort at first, this move seldom works out in the long run. First, you are not emotionally healed to cope with the stress of a new relationship. Second, your emotions are not strong enough for another heart break, if it were to happen again.

This person who left you is not coming back, and you are much better off without this individual. Not because he is a bad person, but because he no longer feels the same way for you. Think how miserable you would be if you were stuck in a relationship with someone that doesn't reciprocate your feelings.

Cry Till You're Dry

• Most researchers agree that crying helps cleanse your body of toxins and waste.
• So cry, and do not be ashamed of it. It's good for you.
• According to Howard Bronson and Mike Riley, authors of "How to Heal a Broken Heart in 30 Days", crying tears are thirty times richer in manganese than blood. Manganese is one of the chemicals that accumulate by stress; and a good cry helps flush it out.

This Is The Time for Self-Discovery

A break-up is also a major life-changing event. During this time, you will notice many of the things that you might have taken for granted such as friends, family, nature, etc. This is the time for introspection and to ask yourself, where am I going in life? Why am I really hurt?

You might become more attentive to other people in need, or people who might be going through the same situation. In sum, this is the time to find yourself again, and take advantage of these moments to learn from all of this, to better yourself and to appreciate all the things that most people take for granted

Related Topics

Please visit the following links:

• A Couple With Good Stress Tolerance Lasts Longer

• Mental Health: It All Starts In You

• The Science of the Broken Heart





Citations

Elliott, Susan J. Getting Past Your Breakup: How To Turn A Devastating Loss Into The Best Thing That Ever Happened To You. 2009. Retrieved May, 4, 2012 from: http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast/

Riley, Mike. How to Heal a Broken Heart in 30 Days. 2002;30-120. Three Rivers Press. 1 edition.

Wittstein, I. S., et al. Neurohumoral features of myocardial stunning due to sudden emotional stress. New England Journal of Medicine, 2005; 352(6), 539-548.





Updated: May 4, 2012

Article created: September 10, 2010





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